Upon exiting the gymnasium, Leto stepped out from the trees, crossing the concrete to meet me. His eyes were hollow, as though the light had been snuffed out of them. The maniac was out here in a white t-shirt and khaki shorts, the very outfit he’d worn the first day I met him all those years ago. He stopped a few feet away, the autumn breeze not even ruffling his blonde hair. Though only a few feet separated us, it felt like an entire universe stood between him and me.
“Leto, what are you doing out here?” I had to pull my hands into my sleeves, the cold breeze whipping straight through the skin. “And why aren’t you wearing something more than a t-shirt and some shorts?! Are you insane? You’ll get frostbite or something!”
“Why are you worrying about me?” His voice was hollow.
I furrowed my brow. Why was I worried about him? Had he really lost his mind?
Before I could respond, he continued speaking, “Look at all you’ve made for yourself. You have friends now, people with whom you can spend time in public. You have people who push you to be better, and the only reason those people are by your side is that you managed to make a connection with them. You don’t need me to hold you back anymore.”
“Holding me back? What do you mean? You haven’t–”
“You know as well as I do what I mean.” Suddenly, I realized his hair was not as bright as it used to be. I could see the trees straight through it. “You need to let go of the past fully.”
“Why do you look like that? What’s happening?” Was I dreaming? Was this all some sort of sick fever dream, and I’d wake up in my bed, alone as always? Or had something happened at the homecoming dance, and I was passed out, having a delusion?
He closed his eyes as though sighing, though no audible noise came out. “Caspian, have you lied to yourself for so long that you truly believe I’m real?”
Cold sweat began to form on my forehead. My hands began to shake at my sides, forcing their way out of my sleeves. The cold air seemed like nothing more than a passing breath on my neck.
“What kind of twisted joke is this?!” I reached out to grab his shirt, but my hand went straight through him. My blood ran ice cold.
With a desperate whine, a sound emanating deep from within, I swiped my hand back at him. Nothing. My hand couldn’t make contact, moving through him as though he were nothing more than air. Though my brain was beginning to grasp the situation, my heart continued to force me to swing at him until I had exhausted myself. Arms limp and eyes watering, the only thing I could do was look at him.
“Does this mean everything we’ve done for the past several years has been a lie?”
“I’m afraid so.” Though his words were remorseful, his tone was lifeless. “Though our preschool days were real, everything since then has been of your own creation, Caspian. Those days at the park were all you. It was always you, and only you. Leto left you in preschool, don’t you remember? His family moved to Germany for a job, and you couldn’t stand the thought of him leaving you. Your mind was in shambles, and as a child, you did the only thing you could to cope: you made a version of him that stayed. While your mind expected you to grow out of this, your heart held on. You had nothing else to cling to but this imaginary friend you made, a Leto you formed out of everything your own heart desired. You made a friend you could try to catch up to. Now that you’re beginning to get what you wanted, your mind wants you to let go.”
“But I can’t!” My voice cracked as my fingers dug into my pockets. “How can I just let go of someone who has been with me my whole life?”
“If you truly love yourself, you will learn. You don’t need him anymore; you’ve gained your own independence. Continuing to hold on would be like taking a medication for an illness already cured. Focus on what you have made for yourself. You must keep moving forward and look to the people who can help you progress.”
My body felt like it was being split in two. My top half, the one that had already realized Leto was nothing more than a product of my own creation, tried to pull me back into the gymnasium, back to the people who were real and warm. My lower half, the one with my heart, tried to pull me toward Leto, to drag him closer and ensure myself he was real. How could he not be? He’d sat with me at the park and eaten honey sandwiches. He’d met me after school and sat with me under the tree. He’d walked with me at the p–
