No, he hadn’t.
Looking back at those memories, I couldn’t find him in a single one of them. I’d eaten honey sandwiches by myself and spoken to the air. I’d sat under the tree, alone, and spoken with a figure in my mind. At the park, I’d walked that trail alone. Being in a private area had tried to knock some sense into me, but I’d only convinced myself he was right in front of me. He hadn’t made any sound, now that I thought about it. The acorns under his feet never broke.
He hadn’t been real.
And yet, the version I made of him felt real. That man had gotten me through some of my hardest days, weeks when I felt as though the only person I had was myself. But if I had made that version of Leto, did that mean I had gotten myself through those times? If Leto was my own creation, that meant my own company had pulled me through. Leto, as a reflection of everything I ever wanted, managed to push me forward. Though I didn’t know it, I’d carried myself through those times, which meant I could now carry myself through the future. I would no longer be alone, because I’d managed to find people who cared about me: Almanzo, Matthew, Julian, and most importantly, Birdie. Those people would help me through whatever came next. I could face the future with loved ones at my side, knowing I’d been strong enough to go through the past. Though processing the true depth of this revelation would be something that would take time, though I would still look for Leto under the oak tree every day after school, and I would expect to see him on the monkey bars at the next few times I went to the park, I would soon remember him only as the boy I’d befriended in preschool.
When I finally locked eyes with him, he gave me a soft smile, his hair beginning to fade into the wind. His eyes, though still hollow, held the light of the distant stars as his form disappeared before my eyes, leaving nothing more than the schoolyard behind.
Forcing myself back toward the gymnasium and wiping the tears from my eyes, I muttered softly to myself, “Thank you, Leto.”
Upon entry, I immediately heard someone calling my name. It was Birdie. She was standing at the end of the food line, holding two slices of pizza in her hands. When I finally got to her side, she let out an indignant huff, shoving the plate toward me. Though she was acting irritated, I could tell her anger wasn’t genuine.
“I thought you said you’d only be a minute!” She huffed. “Your pizza is probably cold by now.”
“I’m sorry.” I took a bite off the end. Definitely cold. “You could’ve eaten without me. You didn’t have to wait up.”
“I certainly thought about it.” She leaned against my side, taking a bite out of her own slice. “However, I would’ve felt bad if I didn’t wait up for you. You are my date, after all. I couldn’t eat without you, even if you do take forever.”
She began piling the pizza into her mouth, clearly hungry. My heart swelled slightly as I looked down at her, struggling with a string of cheese on her jaw. She’d waited for me. She’d always wait for me, no matter how long I took. She’d always be there. She was someone I would always need, and, luckily for me, she was no figment of my own imagination. She’d be with me as long as I kept her close and treated her like the princess she was. Taking a bite of my own pizza, I let my arm wrap around her shoulders, rejoicing at the feeling of true contact. I had gotten myself into quite a good spot.
