My mouth felt dry as the Sahara. I’d practiced how I was going to ask her a thousand times, yet just like the means of the proposal, I had no definitive plan. Nonetheless, even as I fought for words, she rested her head on her elbows, watching me with a patient expectancy.
“I, uh, had a question.” My words were a bit shaky as I spoke, though my vocal cords were fighting to put some strength into my words. I couldn’t let myself come off as a wimp, even though it was exactly what I was.
“A question? Is it about school?” I loved how she’d try to push me along with follow-up questions.
“Well, kind of, yes.”
“Alright…” She treated me like a puzzle, taking care with each piece until she got the whole picture I was trying to convey. I’d never had someone treat me like something worth solving before. “Is it a sport? Do you want to sign up for something?”
Sign up for something? That was what she thought I’d ask her? Well, I guess I was trying to sign us up for homecoming, so she was on the right track.
“No, I’m not signing up for any sports. Not right now.” I shook my head, as though it would shake away the dizziness I was feeling. Feeling my hands begin to tremble, I stuck them under my thighs. “I wanted to ask you if you’d…” Suddenly, I couldn’t grasp the word ‘join’. “If you’d help me.”
Help me? Why in the world had I said that?
“Help you?” She cocked her head. “With homework?”
Oh no, this was going terribly! I was putting her on an entirely different track! So much for the smooth-talking prince. I’d make a fool of myself before this was over.
“No, I…I don’t know why I spat out the word help. I meant to ask you if you’d join me,” Finally, there it was, “for homecoming.”
My breath caught in my throat as she stared at me for a long moment, the seconds becoming hours. Her gaze was borderline confused for a moment before it shifted into realization, and then something entirely unrecognizable. Disgust? Pity? Hatred? It could be any one of them, and I would be none the wiser. Clenching my fingers into my fists and my toes into my feet, I prepared myself for an onslaught of excuses or insults. Looking back, I’m not entirely sure why I expected such a response from a girl who only showed me love, but in the moment, I was entirely prepared for her to cut into me.
Instead, she gave an excited squeal and threw her arms around my neck. Even as I made a disgusting, surprised choking sound, she didn’t let go.
“Oh, of course I will!” She shook me like a ragdoll, her feet kicking up leaves. “Of course, of course, of course! I thought you’d never ask!”
The warmth of her arms was seeping up into my cheeks, painting them scarlet as my anxiety morphed into relief. My head felt dizzy for an entirely different reason now.
“R-Really?” was the only response I could formulate.
“Yeah!” She continued to shake me back and forth. It took everything my already wimpy body had not to throw up on her out of pure excited relief. My blood was fizzing and my head spinning, though the excited vomiting could wait until later. Right now, I was over the moon she’d said yes. “I was going to just buy us tickets tomorrow if you didn’t ask. I know my brother would’ve beaten me for it, but I had a feeling you might’ve just been too anxious to come out and ask.” Pulling away, she looked up at me with round, glimmering eyes. “I’m proud of you for coming to me first. I know that must’ve been hard.”
Did she want me to cry then and there? I couldn’t help the small prickles of water that threatened to drop from my eyes as she began shaking me excitedly again, rambling on about how much fun we’d had.
I’d never had someone say that to me. I’d never had someone appreciate the effort, even the littlest things, took. Most of the time, those things go unspoken. Many times, we assume that people know the gratitude we feel toward them, but for some of us, that can be difficult to read. Some people need reassurance, a little sign that someone really is grateful for us and the care we put into everything.
Is this what it felt like to be loved?
