I was thinking recently about how lucky those who grew up in the same town, and went to school in the same area, with the same friends are. These thoughts came up when I was wondering why I find myself having to figure out how to make new friends every couple of years.

I always seem to have many friends for a period of time, then suddenly they disappear. I was wondering why that was the case for me while others around me seemed to have close-knit friendships that have been going on for years. 

Most of my childhood friends are miles away living lives completely different from mine. Completely different from the lives we had when we were friends. I realized that I’m nostalgic for the connection we had. I feel a sense of FOMO knowing that others got the chance I didn’t of staying connected to the people they experienced their early stages with. I loved and absolutely adored the friends I had as a younger child, and still feel like I do.

The times and experiences I had with them can’t be replicated. It would’ve been a fantasy to carry on with them, grow through the years with them still in my life. Experience more of life with them. But unfortunately (partially unfortunate because there’s been many positives to it), I’ve moved and changed schools, environments, at almost every transitional stage in our lives.

I moved from kindergarten to another kindergarten. From the school I spent the rest of Elementary k-6 (most significant foundational years for me) to a high school, which was probably the hardest move for me. Move from Junior High right before the third and final year to a completely new country, completely new world, perspective, people, new ways of doing things, behaving, socializing, learning, thinking.

I was planning to stay connected still to the people I was leaving behind — friends I was starting to get really close to — but I was hopeful and stayed strong. 

I spent another two years in the now American Middle School/ Junior High, then had to leave a good number of the friends and sense of community and belonging, I was FINALLY starting to rebuild to another completely new environment.  The new home, the new neighborhood and a bigger and less close-knit school. It’s very different.

Here we go again. But as usual I was hopeful, and made plans to stay connected like I always do. But as always, people have a way of growing apart. 

Some even go here with me, to the same Ben Davis, but it’s such a big school, we don’t have any classes together, our lives and personalities are  different from before. And the little bit of connection we were holding onto as freshmen got lost with the pandemic.

Now we’re juniors at an even bigger school than our Middle School and freshman settings. And once again I will likely have to move to a whole new environment in less than two years for college. 

Through all this though I especially miss the people, friends, I loved as a child. They completely understood me. We were from the same town, spoke the same languages, had very similar families with similar backgrounds, in a small school where you had classes with roughly the same group of people every year, and built our foundations as individuals together.

They were just right. My people. I still tell the story of how I grew apart from my childhood best friend to anyone that will listen. She was the longest closest friend I ever had, and I truly adored her. 

After all these thoughts came together I realized I’m not somehow bad at keeping/making friends. It’s just my season to make new ones again, and that’s okay. The beauty that’s passed will always stay in my heart and be a part of who I am.