“If anyone is magically going to appear and just suddenly make your life better, just know that person is always going to be you.” – Brianna Pastor

I saw this quote today. At a time where I’m doing a whole lot of healing. Healing from trauma, patterns that don’t serve me, thought processes that hurt me, relationship dynamics I’m tired of repeating and/or don’t want to risk recreating. 

And it confirmed a lot of ideas I am starting to piece together. 

While looking for ways to heal, younger, more naive me would hope and pray for someone to come swoop me up and save me. Heal me. Help me figure out things that only I can truly figure out within myself. Only creating a spiral effect when I realize people who have just as much of their own issues to grow from couldn’t provide me with that. 

I would un-intentionally seek out people to heal me, and people to heal. When what I truly needed was a professional whose JOB and expertise is to help me heal. What a crazy idea right??

I also need myself. I need to open my soul up to myself, pry through every corner, see all I can possibly see, and choose to show up for myself through every second of it. I won’t expect people to come in from the outside and heal me. When what truly needs healing is within. 

Instead of trying to cram people into my heart, hoping they would see the damage holding on to me & the damage I hold on to. Hoping they’ll find a way to wipe it off. But you can’t wipe off what’s simply not on the surface.

The healing, the addressing root causes, the introspection, the permission to feel it all as it is, the accepting, the kindness, the care, the warmth, the gentleness, the deep understanding,  the letting go. It’s all within me.

I don’t need to seek external validation, permission, or anything else. I don’t need anything but support as I do the healing myself. And I’m starting to feel really safe within that.